Am I a bad person because I am wishing illness on my wife? I feel like I am performing Voodoo on Heather. In my countless texts to her during the day of, “How do you feel?” or, “Feel sick?” I sit there and hope for the response of, “Yes, Matt. I am totally sick. Hanging over the toilet right now!”
I keep reading all these websites about what the female is going through RIGHT NOW in her pregnancy. Then I look over at Heather and she is completely fine. Friends and relatives that have gone through this process say that she is a “lucky one” and “enjoy it while it lasts.” But all I think about is, Is there still a baby in there? I know, I’m probably a borderline hypochondriac, or maybe I have crossed over the border, but I just want to know everything is all right.
What has happened instead is that I have looked up so many symptoms that Heather should be having, I am starting to feel them myself. Heather told me I was having Sympathy Symptoms. I’m getting tired easily. I go to the bathroom often. My back hurts. I crave odd foods. I feel ill!
Hell, I’m the one who’s pregnant!
And I immediately think of that Cosby episode. You know, the one where Cosby and his son and his two son-in-laws are pregnant? Maybe a volcano has erupted some place and the spores got into my water. (That’s what enabled Cliff to get pregnant in his dream.)
But once again, it comes down to being strong and having faith that everything is going to work out. I have to believe that every woman is different. And just because Heather is not matching all the descriptions on WhatToExpect.com it’s all going according to plan.
“Heather, how do you feel?”
“Nauseous and tired.”
Hooray!!! Just what I wanted to hear.
Now how do I get rid of my Sympathy Symptoms?
In case you’re interested, I’ve included a link to the Cosby episode in reference. It’s called, The Day the Spores Landed, and it’s a classic!
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